If you ask me to recall exactly when I first met Hilary (Mr), I would not, only that we went to the same high school, GHS Nkambe and that he was 3 years behind. But being the bright and outstanding student that he was, he would soon be known by everyone, student and teacher like. He became a boarding student at some point and was the ‘small brother’ to the then senior prefect (SP) Gaius Ngwang. He would later follow his footsteps to become the boys SP as well. I was to become the Girls SP and do not recall a single incident where Hilary’s name came up for insubordination or punishment, during my tenure. He was either the model student/person that I got to know later, or he was too sleek at covering his tracks! I choose the former.
Hilary and I would become school mates again at the University of Leeds, UK, where Hilary was beginning his undergraduate studies, and I was starting postgraduate studies. For the first time, I had two other people in the same town that spoke the same language as me; Sule Nformi and Hilary. We did not only share an alma mater, we could actually ‘cry’ to each other in our mother tongue! The natural hierarchy was soon established as Sule and I became the big brother and big sister to Hilary. But let this not deceive you as Hilary was mature and wise beyond his age. His innovation, resourcefulness and the sheer drive to excel, despite the circumstances, was an inspiration to all. This soon became evident when Cameroon students on scholarship, faced some unimaginable hardships. As Leeds University and other UK institutions started to expel students for lack of tuition payment, and students had to find means to survive, Hilary refused to give up; many did! He reached out to institutions that I had never heard of, and to any and every person of influence at the university. As a result, he did not only complete a 3-year undergraduate course, but a Masters degree as well! When he decided to go back to Cameroon, Sule and I nervously asked if he was sure. After all, Cameroon and the rest of the world, was still going through the economic crises of the early 90s that had plunged Cameroon-sponsored students into such hardship. Hilary felt that his chances were better in his home country and he would be giving back. Many of us were not so brave, nor so charitiable! He was right, as he soon found employment with COTCO, where he worked until his untimely death.
All this time, I only knew Hilary's academic prioress but I got to know him better as a person when Sule and Cordelia Nformi, Hilary and myself shared a drafty old terrace house in the Harehills neighborhood of Leeds. The house was so drafty that when the wind blew, you could see ripples under the carpet in the living room. The gas fire was constantly on even in June! But alas, that was all we could afford. If I had admired Hilary before because of his academic brilliance, I got to admire and respect him during this time, for his humanity, calmness, focus, drive, kindness, you name it. Hilary epitomized the mantra ‘Be slow to anger but quick to forgive’. Even so, I can only attest to the first half of this phrase because I never saw Hilary angry nor lose his temper, so I do not know if he ever had any reason to forgive. As many of his contemporaries at Leeds (Alfred Besong, Kiki Shang, Ebs Mawo, Michael Boyo, Lamango Nazarius, Yvette Poudjomto among others) have attested to, Hilary’s reach transcended any box you could try to put him in. He was easy going and respectful of everyone regardless of age, education, gender or tribe. He was wise beyond his years and was a true friend. He was measured and thoughtful in everything he did and always wanted to give back. Evidence of this abound in his mentorship and career orientation given to WISU, being the trusted partner to WICUDA-USA and Ex-GHS Nkambe executing projects in Cameroon, active membership in Bongabi-UK, his leadership of WICUDA-Bonaberi and many other self-help groups wherever he was.
I write this full of regrets because my last chain of conversations with Hilary, which started on November 1 2012, remains open. Hilary had contacted me after Hurricane Sandy. Addressing me ‘Grand soeur’ as usual, he wrote that h was thankful that we were OK and that no Wimbum lives were lost. I wrote back to thank him, asked after the family and also mentioned that Mrs Rekia Konang speaks highly of him and his wife. He wrote back, in surprise, that she was with me and that he had been asking when she was coming back to Cameroon. He then wrote, ‘I am part of the family by their accepting me in the Njangi that is still waxing strong. Extend my warm greetings to her and that we (I) miss the voice and just talking to her’. He also told me life is treating him well and that his first son was in form 2 in Sacred Heart, the 2nd in Class 6 and the third in Nursery school. I wrote back in jest, asking him how things had turned, that his son is in Form 2 and mine is 2 years old! I promised to call him over the weekend. He wrote this back: “Call me lucky may be, but after returning to Cameroon in December 31, 1996; I met Ernestine in August 1997. By 1999 I was visiting her parents on a mission. 2000 I was married, and the young guy in Form 2 was born Feb 2001. Got married at 29yrs 04months. My weekend was too hectic, I am sure you could not even get through. The cultural festival was from Friday to Sunday 22H00. It was a beautiful occasion. Went really well. I was knighted with a “njab”. I refused all the titles. I accepted the clothing thing because it is silent but still respectful.” This is my regret, as we never got to talk.
I may not recall when I first met Hilary but he was my petit frère that I learned a lot from him. He wasn’t my blood relative and we didn’t communicate often but when we did, it always had meaning. I will miss you dreadfully ‘small’ brother but your legacy lives on in your children, your wife, your many deeds and the many memories, good and bad, that we share. To Ernestine, the kids and extended family, your husband, father, son, brother, uncle may be gone too soon and no words can take away the pain nor make any sense of this tragedy but please know that going by his deeds and impact, he lived a thousand life times.
Go thee in peace our kind and gentle giant.
Lilian Yengi, MA, USA.